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| This is my first entry.
Feeling quite tired these few days (unfortunately). It's not like normal though. Whatever physical strength and willpower I have lost had transferred into my head. The feeling resembles something like this: I see the objective and understand the approach, but there is no movement. Only then I am reminded; I am a strategist, not a tactician. It is to realize that the one who is good at shooting does not hit the center of the target.
Still, when you can do nothing, what can you do? Our own life is the instrument with which we experiment with truth. And the mystical is not how the world is, but that it is. When you understand one thing thoroughly, you come to understand everything. You could do each thing as if you did nothing else...and you don't have to be at the top; you can see great things from the valley, but only small things from the peak.
The most terrifying thing would be to accept oneself completely and, really, how many cares could you lose when you suddenly decide not to be something, but to be someone.
Which came 3rd, the chicken or the egg?
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|  Proud bearer of a high score on Kitty Launcher: quite possibly one of the dumbest games ever (not far off from Big Rigs   and Red Button). It all started with a phone call. "I want to talk to the maker of Kitty Launcher, or is it Kitty Cannon..." The voice on the other line:
"It's Kitty Launcher, we found Kitty Cannon to be too alliterative."
"Alliterative? Umm..okay"
"Yeah. Is there a problem?"
"No, I was just wondering. Kitty Launcher just doesn't cut it for me. I just got a high score and I want the certificate to say 'Kitty Cannon'; it just sounds better."
"You mean people actually play that crap?"
"Uh huh... why did you make it in the first place?"
"It was originally set up with a device to spy on people stupid enough to play it."
"What kind of device? I just want my certificate and the fame and fortune that goes with it, motherfucker!"
The voice continued, ignorantly: "The device is a webcam that you cannot see. It's embedded into the website and once you open it, it watches you."
"No. No. That's impossible, that can't work: you need an actual webcam. Pixels can't spy on people, you moron."
"And the better quality screen you have, the better image we get of you."
"Fuck. I have an LCD, you retards!"
"You're the one who played it. Who the hell would want a damn certificate for it? Don't you have other things to be proud of?"
"No! I want my fucking certificate! I launched the cat over 3,000 feet for fucks sake!"
"Are you some kind of sick person? Why would you play it?"
"Don't make me come over there and play some Testicle Launcher. Maybe at last I'll get some gratification for something. Where do you live?"
"Germany."
"Berlin?"
"No, Munich."
"Okay, you're gonna be the eunuch in Munich."
"Quit insulting me! My point is that it's not our fault that there are sick people who play our games."
"What were you on when you made it? I'm tired of your idiocy. I just want a pat on the back. Is that too much to ask? I used to respect what you people do."
"We don't do anything. What are you talking about?"
"Weren't you the idiots who developed that stupid 17 minute song that's basically one long siren?" "No... "
"Oh.."
There was an awkward pause. "Hello?"
"Hello..."
"How you doin?"
"Fine, yourself?"
"Not good. I want my certificate." "What!? It's still you??"
"Yeah, what did you expect! It was like a 2 second pause! You think I'd give up that easily, dipshit?!"
"No, I--"
"Damn straight, 'no'. Let me tell you something: you are not making any profit off of your product, yet it is a ridiculous waste of time. Not only that, but it is based on violence against kittens! So, you are screwing people over out of your own willpower, without any incentive whatsoever! That makes you worse than the tobacco industry! They wouldn't be such monsters if they weren't dirt poor without it!" -long pause-
"Well, maybe we get pleasure from this...You do recall that it's actually a spy tool..."
"I don't believe that nonsense. Send me my certificate in 3 days, or else."
"Or else what?"
"Testicle Launcher."
"Oh, I see."
"I hope so. When can I expect my money?" No response.
I redialed: "Hey! You hang up on me again and you are going to become very intimate with your rectum."
"I was in Cirque de Soleil... it was an acrobatic experience."
"I don't want to know. This is costing me a lot of money, so you better send some to cover for it."
"Actually, I'm a German hobo..."
"Don't bullshit me. If you are a hobo, how am I talking to you...you don't have a phone!"
"Neither do you... you're using your hand.."
"....does this mean it's free?"
Operator: "No. We're always watching."
Both: "Fuck." -pause-
"I wonder what would happen if I talk into my penis."
"Testicle Launcher!"
"Okay okay okay..sorry"
"Better be, son of a condom leak. I'm done talking to you. I'll make my own fucking certificate."
Talk about skill?
 
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| Where to plant a tree? Frigga will not allow me to keep it in the home.
I could spitefully plant it where they are cutting down all those trees to make room for the skytrain. I must plant it where there are no trees, so that there may be a forest. It's a lot wiser to do that, instead of planting them side by side in a foresty area, because there will be too much tension. It would be more interesting to see how one tree can create a forest. That tree would be the biggest one. Humans turn into trees when they die. Where are you, Oberon?
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| The whole day my mouth was filled with some kind of sweetness. But it wasn't warm and sticky, it was cold and ventilating, but still sweet. Maybe all that shedded salty, watery sweat had intensified the sweet, airy dew. Another thing I learned is that: before, I was always neglecting breakfast, thinking I could eat some throughout the day instead. That had negative effects. Yet, when I started having breakfast, I neglected having anything else, and that also had negative effects. Think about this very carefully. I have, to be fair. The solution is not what it seems to be:
What kind of learner are you? Some people are very quick. Others are slow. I happen to be relatively quick at picking up most things, but also quick at forgetting. Slow learners are slow at forgetting, which is all but unfair, I suppose. However, I am slow to expertise... and if it is not slow, it's grueling. I could learn to walk, but becoming an expert would take a very long time. I am nothing short of a guru now. On the other hand, slow learners seem to be much quicker at attaining expertise.
Mastery is seperate. If I had mastered to walk, I would be able to walk under any circumstances. If a Master Walker lost his legs, making him unable to perform... would he still be a Master of Walking? Definitely not. He was master of the mind, but has become mastered by the mind. This is impossible to overcome unless you learn how to think with a mind outside of your own. Then it is possible to control that which you do not have, but only if that foreign brain has the means to coordinate with specificity. Humans have tried to create a brain like that, so we finally developed artificial intelligence. Can you be a master if you are a feigned human? Fundamentally, yes. Ultimately, no. Artificial intelligence is just that: artificial. Then anything you try to grasp to grant you control of your mind would be non-artificial intelligence (or something humans have not made). But it is not intelligence if you do not acknowledge its use to help the mastery of your own mind, without using that mind to master itself. The reason being is once you have used that mind to master itself, you think that you have mastered it... but, really, it has mastered itself. This means it has also mastered you. People are always trying to separate themselves from the mind by following their 'heart', or 'gut', or 'alternate feeling'. All of those are examples of non-artificial intelligence; things that allow us to master the mind, then be able to do things like walk without legs and be Masters forever (since the mind is what determines it). There is a good reason for resorting to those non-artificial intelligences. It is because people want to Master. I certainly hope it is making sense. It is not terribly difficult. Yet it is arguable that the 'heart', the 'gut', and 'extrasense/clearvision' are all produced by the mind, and that your belief and reliance on them simply means that the mind has won. Now you will see how it wraps up. Resorting to God, yet another non-articifical intelligence. God is used as an alternative mind through which our lives/actions are controlled. It is a separation from the mind, and through God, the mind can be Mastered. Logical, is it not? People who believe in God believe in miracles (which are manifestations of that non-artificial intelligence). Ever hear of the armless man save a boy's life with an invisible arm? Would you not say that he is a Master of the Arm? If he isn't, I don't know what is. What is it? His own mind? No. He Mastered his own mind. This was a miracle, or a manifestation of the distant mind. He sought it, and apparently learned to connect a certain faculty of his (not belonging to his mind, or a weak part of his mind...so as not to give his own mind too much power) to God. If God is the wheelchair, the miracle is the movement of the wheelchair. But if the mind was used to lure this 'mind' called God, does that not mean that God cannot exist without a certain human faculty? If not, it means it is created, like a wheelchair. Yet God is like a wheelchair that knows where it is going through following the commands that it is the term 'miracle'; It knows, but does not acknowledge what you know, rather what you are: a Master. The normal mind does not acknowledge it. The question is still unanswered: How to become a Master?
You have to forget the skills you know now, while using them to their highest potential day to day. If you learn to think without them, they will think for themselves. That's all bogus really. Peace out. | | |
| Slowly-
slowly
I open my eyes to a windy morning.
But again you are gone; disappearing and slowly melting
In trying to tell me something.
Sadly flickering, not answering me: the dimming street lamps.
And the glum sunrise is only silent in response
and doesn't say to look for you
And my dream is a simple vision
But like between light and shadow
There's a thin barrier that separates us
I know you are in the city someplace,
And in the whisper of the summer wind
I hear your voice calling for me
Noisy streets; 'Everything turns out,'
Thought I, so many nights.
Now, walking in crowded parks,
But haven't found yet
the one I am searching for so many days
Roads and dust, and automobiles
I look at them tiredly and wait for:
that in the sea of bypassers
suddenly a similar face.
And even in it I'll see you.
You are my dream, a simple vision
But like between light and shadow
There is a thin barrier that divides us
I know that you are in the city someplace
And in the whisper of the summer wind
I hear your voice calling for me | | |
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